My word, how uncouth!: A Royal Follow Up

So for those of you who are unaware, because you must be living in a small cave beyond the reaches of general technology and have thus escaped the incessant media coverage, let me clue you in on an apparent historic event which took place this morning.

Today was the overly anticipated "Royal Wedding" of Prince William and some girl whose name has escaped me for the moment, and for which I don't care enough to click on the following tab in order to Google said name to offer you properly informative facts regarding this new princess. Sorry, but if you don't know it, and simply MUST know who the bride of the day was, then Google away my friend, Google away.

Now, for most of you out there, the term "royal" used as an adjective on a day to day basis so seldom reflects anything of actual ancestry befitting a crown wearing monarch.

For instance, in my household, royal could be referring to any number of things from a shade of blue to perhaps a type of icing. In fact, it might even refer to a particular form of behavior in which our sweet little puppy, whom we love so much, decides after a walk to come in the house and defecate on the kitchen floor, thus becoming a royal pain in my bottom.

You see! So many wonderful uses for this little five letter word! So versatile!

But not today folks, on this day it was used in the rare and proper form of referring to those of royal bloodline. Our congratulations to Prince William and Princess Whats-her-face! While I can agree the media coverage was a tad bit overboard, I can understand how this union is definitely international news.

However, was it truly necessary for CNN to cover the nuptials? I mean, seriously. While I had every intention of later in the day catching a recap of the wedding out of curiosity, I by all means didn't expect the majority of networks to really be covering the event to this extremity.

Since it seemed the royal family had monopolized my morning viewing options, I decided to stay tuned in and watch.

And now I come to my point. Everyone (and by everyone, I don't mean in fact the entirety of the world, but just that of my Facebook friends list) has been talking about a few key points regarding this mornings ceremony.

Number 1: How unhappy Princess Whats-Her-Face looked during the ceremony.
Number 2: How incredibly romantic and heart wrenching the ceremony was and how it brought everyone to an onslaught of uncontrollable tears.
Number 3: How the little boy prince has now gone and married someone thus making him unavailable for the women across the lands to swoon over in the hopes of wedging their way into some fairytale which ends in their marriage and a happily ever after that apparently has more to do with horseback riding than actual politics.

Part of me feels compelled to address these points, even if its just to the empty cyberspace at hand. So here we go.

Answer to #1: Have you ever been married in, or attended a wedding that consisted of the nuptials which follow a large processional, full mass, multiple readings, etc? Well, dear friends, I have. I've done the whole, married in a great big Catholic Cathedral with a full mass, a million hours of scripture in Latin and consistent shifting from the energy it takes to stand, and appear inspired by the ceremony of it all through what feels like a decade of speaking that requires someone to nudge you when the interactive portion of your wedding ceremony begins.

Yes folks, as beautiful as the ceremony can be, standing at full attention for hours in front of a congregation of guests, holy leaders, the royal family, in a dress that no doubt outweighs her, in shoes that I seriously doubt were Dr. Scholl-able, can be exhausting. Give her a break! She definitely began to glow once she realized the vows were coming up and had a reaction to the "this is IT" moment. Up until that part, give her some credit for being able to hold a small Mona Lisa type smile during the time leading up to their "I Do's".

In addition, keep in mind this wedding is strictly based on ceremonial traditions that have been in place for centuries in their country. Do you think if she had this wonderful plan to one day grow up and elope to some fancy-schmancy pants island alone with the man of her dreams, for a simple and romantic ceremony on the beach, that her requests would have been indulged? No way!

Stay away wedding genius David Tutera, because the royal family has their own idea of what is spectacular and appropriate and I sincerely doubt any of the bride to be's wishes were taken into consideration! She was definitely happy to be joining her husband to be in matrimony, but was it the wedding of her dreams? Chances are, probably not. My two meaningless sheckles on that subject - well done Princess Whats-Her-Face! Now run off and enjoy your honeymoon with a hope for peace and quiet!

Answer to #2: This very, very, VERY common statement has flooded my feed all morning. Now, being a woman, I've had my fair share of good cries at a lovely wedding ceremony. However, this particular ceremony didn't quite pull at my heart strings. It didn't pull at any strings. It was rather boorish in fact. I know, shame on me, but it was! For myself anyway. Apparently, there is an entire parade of women who would die to line up and stand and kneel in front of their church in a 500lb dress with no ventilation in Manolo Blahniks ripping into their toes and heels for 4 hours without being allowed to shed unstructured affection and intimacy. No jumping into the arms of your new husband, no laughing, you must be appropriate at all times. I mean, good gracious, it was more militant than romantic from what I saw. Unless....perhaps....was there ANOTHER royal wedding I am unaware of that took place today, and perhaps I was watching THAT one and missed the oh so romantic tear jerking ceremony everyone is swooning over?

Then again, Im also the person who doesn't understand why a book about a loud mouthed trouble making obscene woman who steps outside the boundaries of her upcoming union to fornicate with an old lover and then is applauded for their love come to fruition is so loved by women world over. I'm talking about "The Notebook". I know, sacrilege to some of you out there. This poor man loves a woman unconditionally and all she does is indulge herself with selfishness and an annoyingly spoiled disposition. I guess that type of fight or flight romance doesn't appeal to me, because I am more moved by unconditional love stories that share a familiarity with my own. A story of man meets woman, where they fall in love and spend their lives together, fighting against the trials and tribulations of life with an impenetrable bond. A tale WITHOUT the adultery, bickering, fighting, mind games,lies, deceit and childish behavior that goes on in other tales.

Like "Up". "But that's not a love story...." some of you might say. However, I disagree. This loving bond between man and wife not only exceeded the first 15 minutes of this light and airy Disney film. It showcased a love beyond the passing of your spouse, a love I can understand, where even in absence, the warmth of love from your soul mate still keeps you company. This is the kind of love I feel God wants for us all. Some of the movies today...simply baffle me. "Oh look, she's cheating on her husband with her hot new co-worker, and I think they are in love, awww how sweet. Ewweee her evil husband is trying to get in the way of their love!" WHAT?!?!?! When on earth did this behavior become socially acceptable!?!

Anyway, back to my point. The wedding was a wedding. It wasnt brilliant, or spectacular, it was the exact same ceremony we watched decades ago with his mother was married, sub new bride and groom. Seriously. No reason for tears. There are commercials with deliciously chubby babies that bring tears of joy to my eyes, so how is it this fabled fairytale dreamy romantic wedding somehow escaped me in between my sips of morning glory? I dunno. Oh well, c'est la vie.

Answer to issue #3: The number of women outraged and saddened by this royal foreigner taking a bride is beyond silliness. I like to hope that most people have the good sense not to believe there was a time in a parallel universe where the prince and pauper girl meet and she becomes a queen, and this was the tale of their lives. Not that everyone shouldn't indulge their personal aspirations, but I think to focus on the lack of availability in a male member of the royal family and how it might have affected their destiny to become a princess, seems a little silly.

What's this fascination with wanting to be a princess? Last I checked, I'm completely and euphorically happy in my marriage and with my hubby despite lack of blue blood in the mix. It doesn't take a man of royal blood to make a woman feel like she is truly lifted above the rest.

Instead of comparing the men of our country who do their best to honor and love their wives to some distant prince who has the charm of an acorn, how about you take a step back and treat your dear sweet loved ones, husbands, whatever they might be, like royalty instead?

Maybe that is my own personal romantic indulgences, but if you asked my husband, you would find he is very happy indeed. Perhaps I do dote on him a little more than other people would like to, and perhaps this is because I thoroughly enjoy my role as wife and mother, and "yes, dear-isms". Some could (and do) say I wait on him hand and foot unnecessarily, but that's returned in full with exactly the same level of appreciate and affection, so its not sacrificial, its probably the most self serving selfless act someone can commit!

I challenge you wives everywhere, instead of groaning when your husband forgets to take out the trash, or leaves a dish in the sink rather than placing it 6" away in the dishwasher, when he changes the channel in the middle of your recent television obsession to watch an unappealing sporting event, hunting or golfing show, or otherwise un-engaging program, that rather than offering a snide remark, or quip, you simple take out the trash yourself. Take the dish out of the sink, and put the dish in the dishwasher. Sit and enjoy the completely uninteresting program your loved one finds himself enthralled in.

Is it so hard? Maybe you will learn something new, enjoy a new form of pastime or acquire a new topic of discussion to throw in the mix. And maybe, when you sit there next to him, enjoying the un-enjoyable, he will cuddle up next to you and rub your shoulders, because in the end all that matters to him, is you.

To each their own, and for those of you who aspire to one day place a crown upon your brow, then good luck and God speed to you! However, I'm happy to say that in my years of marriage, I enjoy treating my husband like a king, and in turn, I feel like a queen every day of my life.

Now off to see what our little prince's are getting into! More than 2 solid minutes of quiet can only mean two things, a nap, and sneakiness, and it sure isnt nap time!

God bless - may all your fairytale wishes come true! <3<3