Tuesday, August 31, 2010

My life after 28 years and 364 days

Tomorrow is my birthday, and its both exciting and bitter sweet at the same time.

We have had the most incredible morning! I fell asleep at midnight and woke up around 3:30am, and since my love was up, we went off to bed but ended up talking and talking and talking and talking and finally at 5:30am we just decided there was no point in trying to sleep and just got up, made some coffee and have enjoyed our mornings, just like we always used to.

Had a great breakfast together, watched the sun rise and fill the sky with Gods magical light, and talk about everything we have coming this great month of September that begins with my birthday.

Its so wonderful to have him home, God knows I love my husband more than should be humanly possible, and I am so, so grateful that he came home to me the exact same person as he left.

I have seen and heard very different stories from other people, stories about the changes they see in their spouses and partners coming home from basic training. With the things they went through, for many it was life changing and unlike anything they were faced with before that moment, but for my dear hubby, it was just a job, something he took pride in yes, but overall, it was just something he had to get through so he could come home with his family again and prepare to move forward to keep his commitment and continue forward on our path.

I'm so grateful that the moment I picked him up from the airport, it was just, big smiles and hugs and excitement! There was no "period of adjustment", no "getting used to him being home", no "getting reacquainted" - it was just back in sync, back to holding hands and talking and just being US all over again. How I missed that.

I really wish and pray it was the same for everyone, and I know each and every soldier handles the experience very differently, I have just met so many incredible women who are so dedicated to their soldiers and I cant even imagine what it would be like to feel like I had a stranger come home to me.

Through my research and reading, I have definitely found that its fairly common after a separation for there to be a period of adjustment, whether it be deployment or training, or any other means of separation. I definitely understand that at some point in our lives there may be a time when we are faced with that, then again, people will argue that its normal for couples to argue all the time, and fight through their differences, and here we are almost 5 years later and we dont fight, ever.

In fact, I could count the number of disagreements we have had on one hand, both times I was pregnant and a little irrational and sensitive and we laughed the second I realized I was getting upset about something trivial - because its so uncharacteristic of who I am. Ohh, how your hormones can try and get the best of you! LOL

Either way though, thats the closest we have ever come to a "fight" - it just doesnt happen in our household. We're both rational adults, and if there is anything we ever have a difference of opinion we compromise quite well.

There are just so many things out there that are bigger and more important than other people, and to top it off, when it comes to one another, both of us are quite selfless. Thats probably our best feature, we each place one another on a pedestal of untouchable greatness and never, ever place our own needs above that of our partners, so in turn, we always end up doing what we want, when we want, we just do it for eachother, rather than ourselves. <3

He's always been incredible, and in my eyes, I cant imagine the possibility of improving on perfection incarnate, but I know as much as we had an undying affection for eachother, more than ever, our life priorities and our choices are all that more supported and validated.

Above all, our motto has always been that as long as we are together, nothing else matters, and boy does that still hold true, more than ever.

The only changes were that before he left, we dont understand how we ever entertained a service that would leave us here, and him somewhere else, even if only for certain periods of time.

More than ever, he is adamant that above all else, he wants to make sure that wherever this army life of ours leads us, that we go together as a family.

We are happy with the changes and so optimistic about what this will mean for our boys, for our family and for our future.

God has most definitely blessed me with a wonderful, wonderful life. An extraordinary husband, who is loving and supportive, who tells me I'm beautiful every hour, who tells me he loves me more than anything, every few minutes, who would and will do anything for us, for our family, to ensure our safety and unity, and he has blessed me with two gorgeous little boys so brilliant and sweet who just fill our lives and our hearts!

I'm so very thankful everyday of my life for all we have, for every spare minute we are granted together, so we can prepare for the time apart.

My husband, and our boys, are my life. Period.

There may be a time in my life, where I need "me" time, or want to do something selfish, but right now, I cant even imagine that. What makes me happy, is seeing them happy, undeniably.

In this day and age, with so many people, women especially, clawing for their own personal identities, fighting to do a mans job and do it better, wanting to be looked upon as domineering forces to be reckoned with, I say, do what makes you happy, but dont be so wrapped up in yourself, in your own selfish needs, that you forget to give a part of yourself to others.

After all, its what God wants us to do, its what he sent his son to teach us. To be the giver, not the taker. To live humbly so you can give to others. To cloth and shelter our brothers and sisters in humanity, before ourselves.

It is only in loving others that we truly love ourselves, and only in finding a true sense of compassion, can we feel God illuminating in every breath we take.

I'm about to enter into the last year of my 20's, and I am rejoicing in all that I have around me, all that God has blessed me with, and all that we have to look forward to!

If the rest of my years are anything like the last wonderful years of my life, I'm on track to have the happiest life ever lived since the beginning of mankind! And I pray everyone is as blessed in their fortunes as we are!

<3

Friday, August 20, 2010

So blessed!

So today was the day of A/2-19th's graduation, and the guys looked so great!

A little bittersweet, because I was looking forward to this day for so long, but it doesnt matter because my darling husband got to come home to me early!

Working on a medical reclass, he's doing great but his knee's arent in the best of shape so he had to drop Airborne as well as his follow on training, and since that would have made him an infantryman and their drills and training is just as physically intense, the doctor suggested a medical reclass so it looks like hes going to be a POG. LOL

Which is great, as much as I know he would have loved combat, his main drive is to be able to serve his country in whatever capacity he is suitable for, so right now its just a waiting game. He reported the morning after he returned to get all the paperwork rolling but these things take time, something that with me being a bit neurotic about planning and needing to have every detail sorted out is usually quite the frustrating scenerio, but I have acclimated myself fairly well to military life and understanding that things happen in their own time and we have to respect that.

For now it looks like I have my dear hubby home for a little over a month (YAY!) before he reports and meets with everyone in his unit that needs to sign off, so fingers crossed we can be looking at finding out some available MOSs as well as determine where we go for his AIT before his birthday!

As always, its all in God's hands - we had been told it would be about 30-45 days for everything to happen, however I had a feeling it may take a little longer.

My new motto: Always hoping, never expecting.

Nothing wrong with throwing prayer out there and hoping for the preferred situation, however if it doesnt pan out, thats still okay, and in the end, however it works itself out is just fine with me, because thats how it was meant to happen. LOL

You've gotta learn to adjust to change, otherwise you just wont make it! :)

When I reflect on the last few months since Zane left in May, all the waiting, and the hoping and praying, I feel so blessed because it really showed me how capable our love was of growing, even more than we thought possible.

We have always been so incredibly close, and always shared this unnatural bond that seemed out of this world and without limitations. A love so strong, and so wonderful, that we both thought on every level that there was no possible way that we could feel MORE for eachother than we already had, that we had already somehow reached maximum capacity of affection awarded to us by God.

Boy were we wrong! How can you love someone infinitely and then grow to love them even more? Honestly, I couldnt explain it to you, there is no way to explain how much being away from the person who makes you complete, being unable to talk to them when you want to, touch them when you want to, kiss them when you want to, can really make all the moments that you share seem all that much more precious.

And just when you think that its been so long since youve been held that its unbearable, and that maybe its possible you are romanticizing how incredible that person is, you get to see them again and without a shadow of a doubt, you werent romanticizing a damn thing, because they are every bit as incredible as you build them up in your heart to be, and then some.

I know our future will hold times where we will face distances, but I know now that we are strong enough to endure just about anything, as long as we are together.

I know everyone is supposed to think this, but I really DO have the most incredible husband in the entire world over, and I couldnt be happier or prouder to be his wife and the mother of his children.

We are looking forward to the changes to come, and the opportunities at our doorstep, and I pray that God will grant us the patience to wade through the waiting and the paperwork with grace so that we can find our home at the end of that tunnel.

Off to play with our little Ardlings and prepare some lunch before daddy gets back from the store!

Oh how I love having him home again!

Ciao! <3

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